Friend or Associate?

By: Reign Boxley-Martin

friend

n.

1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.

associate

v. 

1. A companion; a comrade.

2. Having partial status or privileges.

I find that friendship is often carelessly thrown around like an old gym bag, and doesn’t seem to carry much meaning these days.  Maybe I’m just old school, but I am a true believer that everyone is not meant to be labeled as a friend.  Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s perfectly okay to have associates.  Both are needed for a balanced life.  The problem is that most are not able to decipher between the two, which often tends to lead to disagreements and hurt feelings.

Before you start to classify the people in your life, take a moment to really think about what it is that you want or need in a friendship.  I tend to look for qualities such as loyalty, reliability and trustworthiness.  I expect my friends to be open, honest and respectful of my time and feelings.  Of course, I only expect these things because I am willing to give them in return.

 

Do you have expectations of what a friend should be?

I expect my associates to understand that I will treat them with the same respect as a friend, but will also love and accept them from afar when necessary.  Harsh as that may sound, it is a true statement.  I typically won’t discuss anything personal with an associate, and the time that we spend together is very limited.  A lot of times you will have to classify an associate as such due to the actions, or lack thereof, on their part.  Maybe they are not as reliable or trustworthy as you would like.  Or you find that they are only respecting your time and/or feelings at their own convenience.

     

Determining where a person falls can be easy or difficult task.  Let’s be selfish for a second and think about where you see yourself in the next couple of years.  Does this person fit into the lifestyle that you are working towards?  Or does their presence in your life seem to hinder the progression?  A true friend will have knowledge of, and encourage your progression without being jealous or negative.  They will be open and honest with you if they feel that you are headed in the wrong direction, and will do what they can to help you get back on track.  An associate would most likely lack any insight into your personal goals because of the “long handled spoon” mentality.  

How many of you currently share personal details with your associates, only to find that it comes back to bite you in the behind?

 Associates can become close friends, but it is normally not something that happens overnight.  Taking the time to truly get to know one another will help you both to determine the direction of the relationship.  When you are getting to know someone, you have to be able to determine how much of your personal life should be shared.  Again, let’s be selfish and think about where this person fits into your current and future lifestyle and whether they meet your requirements to build a solid friendship.  Remember, everyone can’t be your friend, so tread lightly!

Been there, done that…lived the life, and just saying.